music

So I sit at work each day and listen to music. I either youtube videos of songs i freaking love, or listen to pandora and let go...somewhat, of the control i have to what I listen to. (where should i go from here....should i talk about the depths of our desire for control as humans, and how much we need to let that go to allow God to really truly work through us? or should I talk more about the impression that music plays in our lives as humans and the depths of our soul that music has the ability to speak too? hmmm....) Aright anyways...how do i even continue writing after that. I think I just ruined any chance for an ah-ha moment for anyone that might read this.

So as i said i listen to music all through out work. It helps me to stay distracted from my actual job. It helps me to concentrate on what i actually need to work on for my actual job. It relaxes my anxieties, it stirs my emotions to get tense and start back into my OCD mind set of thoughts that i look way to deeply in but won't seem to leave my head. It humbles me at the ability people have to write lyrics and poems and place them in melody and harmony to music and rhythm. and it makes me arrogant to think that i might somehow be able to write a song as well as the ones i listen too, or even hope that i might be able to.

It flows...at least the music i listen to. It flows into my heart. It flows into my brain. it flows with my soul. It is like the comfort my eyes get as i watch a water fall, for some reason that is soothing to my eyes that relaxes my entire body. I don't remember a time where i looked at a waterfall and felt tense. I feel relaxed. I feel comforted. One of the coolest memories i hope i will never lose, is looking at a waterfall and as it crashed into the river below an enormous cloud would form and raise up and just at it got to eye level of the look out i could actually see rain drops form and fall back into the river. and about 5 mins later another cloud would form raise up to just about eye level, and as i would look strait forward at the cloud that was in front of me, another set of rain drops would form and fall down into the river and rocks below. It was amazing. It was beautiful It was peaceful. It was comforting. It was nature, it was creation, it was beautiful.

I feel like that's what music does for my soul. Good music. not even just music, but poetry, a good sermon, an incredible blog (which is really weird saying because blog just seems like and ugly word). A pastor named Mark Driscoll said once that he thought that people did not start speaking in prose until after Adam and Eve had eaten the apple. And after sin entered the world we began to speak instead of sing. Even Tolkien paints a beautiful picture of music being at the essence of creation in his book the The Silmarillion. Knowing full well this book is fiction, it is still an idea that shows the beauty of music. That it was through music God created, and through music the creatures that were able to create with God. That there is harmony and melody and i discord brought about by creations music. But God is able to take even the discord and make it beautiful. Even the music that was meant to bring about chaos and disarray God used for for what is good. I don't even know where i am going with all this.

Music speaks to the depths of who we are a humans. It speaks into the good and the bad of all of us. It speaks to us in a way that a book would never be able to. It allows ideas to hit us in ways we might not be able to understand by just hearing someone talk about it. or even my typing about it. I think we were created for music. I think we all were created to sing. Even those of us who say we have horrible voices. I love sitting in churches and during the worship just shutting up and listening to everyone around me singing. its amazing because all the flats synchronize with the sharps. All the different octaves blend together, and it is the most beautiful sound. God understands music. He loves it. God understands our voices, he loves them. God understand our hearts when we sing. Whether our vocal chords make beautiful sounds or whether they sound squeaky, and we know we would never make it on American Idol, God loves the hearts behind the voices, and if it is our hearts that are leading us to sing. He loves the song that comes forward.

Sometimes i hear people's voices and the beauty of the voice just kills me. It melts me. It makes me close my eyes and not want to quit listening. It makes me breath deeply, relax, and be so thankful for the ability to hear the voice of the person singing. It makes me want to get outside of the body that i feel trapped in. It makes me want to break free of the mental chains that i have that hold me back from being the person I want to be. It makes me want to follow God more, to love God more, to have a stronger faith in Jesus and more courage to follow him, to love others more intentionally. Amy Lee, Alli Rogers, Derek Webb, Shane and Shane, Aaron Lewis, these are just a few of the people who i could listen to for ever. these are the people that stir up the most passion within my heart for God and for others.

I say all that and just think to myself, what will it be like in heaven when everyone is quiet, as God stands in front of us, after all tears have been wiped away, and everyone has immense joy in their heart for having been called a good and faithful servant. And as God looks out he sings. Imagine what that voice would sound like. Imagine the melody and harmony that would flow out as one from God. I would go even further to say imagine the ability for us to hear from God sounds that we have never known. that even as he sing we can see the music, we can see colors flow with the music. we can feel the music in our toes and fingers and all around our skin. That it would pass through the whole of who we are. I can't wait for that day. I can't wait to be apart of that. I can't wait to see people who have been in my life people who have influenced me and loved me and stood next to me, and people i have loved and stood next to, as we all stand together and experience this together. And as we are all able to start singing this song with God. I think it would be beautiful. Even more to imagine that all that i just wrote is so weak to what God has already prepared in heaven.

this might be a crappy ending and what i wrote might sound extremely cheesy, but i think the truth is that music is so much more then just sounds and harmony and melody. It is has a power to reach into the places we don't easily let people touch. It has the ability to open us to something we need to know. It has the ability to connect us to others, and draw us closer to God. It renews our soul, it captivates our imaginations. It captivates our emotions and our senses. Let it captivate you, let God captivate you through music. Let it open you. Let it draw out your emotions. Let it relax your muscles, your ears, your eyes and your mind, your heart. let it be cold pouring water over a burn on your skin.