God will give you everything you need, make you everything you are to be.

I have had such a mix of feeling over the past couple weeks. I have felt peace and happiness which i havent felt in years. I felt anxiety and depression. I think the thing I need to remember and the thing that is a constant is love. I am blessed beyond belief with the amount of love i have around me. My friends, my family, my church community. I can think of over 20 states where I have friends who love me. I have family spread across the country who love me. More then that I have a God who loves th 8 billion people in the world. He knows each one of them by name, he knows each of them more then they know themselves and he loves them. He has completly providence over the world. Over every situation that happens in the lives of those 8 million people. He cares deeply about them, yet he is more then willing to take time to be my father, and to listen to my prayers and to know what is best for me and guide me to that place. He does not just guide the over arching rules that he gives everyone. It is not and umbrella love. It is a deep and personal love. He knows my struggles, he knows how every second of my life has led me to every thing that i am. The maturity i have in some areas of my life, the insecurities i have, the distored views i have and clarity i have in. He knows the compassion and love i have in my life, and he knows the reasons behind all the anxieties and struggles that i have. and no matter how far i walk away from what he wants for me, he loves me. no matter how much i seclude myself he is there, no matter how much i don't say to those who need to hear what is going on, who really need to hear, He knows, he knows the deapths of all things that are going on. he knows the joys that he is responsible for, the frustration that i have over following him at times. As he looks at me as a father looks at a stuborn child and says with a smile as he laughs and tells me that i will understand when i am older. I need to always remember this, this is the reason for the joy i have with in. Because i have a God who has loved me more then i will ever be loved. Because i have a God that was willing to sacrifice his life for me and is patient with me, and will never leave me or forsake me. Because he wants what is best for me and at all times is willing to allow me to go through pain and frustration and danger to bring me closer to him, and help me understand the love he has for me. This is joy.