One year ago I was a wreck. It was difficult to hang out with people i did not know, it was hard for me to ever relax and i distinctly remember talking with a couple friends about how I had forgotten to feel happy.
One year ago I was filled with anxiety. I could not walk down the street with out having an anxiety attack. I would not watch tv without having intrusive thoughts that would swing my anxiety through the roof and turn me down into a deep deppression.
One year ago music was hard to listen to. Praying was even more difficult. I loved Jesus but did not know how to follow him because i felt like he hated me, and that i had done something horribly horribly wrong that i could never be forgiven for.
One year ago i thought about killing myself. My insecurities about myself were at the point where i did not think it was worth me to live. I did not think that anyone really loved me, or that my life mattered in any way.
One year ago i felt so stuck inside my mind filled with evil feelings and evil thoughts that i did not know how to let go.
One year ago, i hurt people by writing things on this blog, by letting my insecurities get the best of me, and by not knowing that my value and my identity was found in Christ alone.
One year ago I was lost.
Today, i have been found.
today, i know that my idenity is in Christ.
today i still struggle, but i know that Christ is alive in me and he is leading me and helping me to surrender.
today, i can breath.
today i can watch tv, meet new people, listen to music, hang out with friends, and know that there is nothing wrong.
today i am one step closer to Jesus, and he is pulling me in closer each day.
Today I know that it is not my obligation to tell people about everything i struggle with just to know that they won't leave me, hurt me or reject me latter on down the road.
Today I have fewer chains, today i have fewer walls, and fewer anxieties about my future, about what i am doing and why i am here.
today i know that it is ok to love people and not expect anything back.
Today, i know that my identity is hidden in Christ, and that all the baggage and crap that i was carrying one year ago has been lifted away.
today i am thankful for everything and everyone in my life, because God has blessed me so much by giving me people to pull me through.
today i am thankful, and have joy because of Christ.
