i am a college graduate who can't really spell all that well. I studied theology, Love Jesus and people. But feel like i am the rebellious child of God. I feel this way because I don't want to live up to standards i don't think are right that people tell me are right.I am completly oximoronical, hypacritical, and honest to a point of being uncomfortable. I hope you enjoy what you read, or that it frustrates the hell out of you.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Humility
I just did not know what to think. He was not washing my feet, he was washing my shoes which were by far more dirty then my feet. He did not ask if he could, he just started doing it. It was just outside of anything i have ever experianced. Of course afterwards he asked for money, and then tried to give me $15 in exchange for me to give him $20. I told him I would not do that. And he def. seemed upset about my lack of care for his situation. I know i could have gone to the ATM and gotting him a 20 in exchange for the 15 he had, but I did not think it would be in my best intrest or his for that matter as he already had the smell of Vodka on his breath. But he told me to give him the address of my church so that he could come on sunday. Instead I asked him to meet me at union station on Sunday. He said he would. He told me his full name is Joseph, and asked how he liked my shoes. They looked amazing. He did a great job shining them.
When he had said he wanted to show me how God's glory shines, I think he was intending to show me how shiny my shoes would be when he was done shining them. I think the truth is that it was more through his action of cleaning my shoes in the middle of the side walk, that showed God's glory. I could not quit thinking of Jesus washing the disciples feet. That was Jesus' glory. It said he did this after he knew he had been given everything. It says Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power. He was at that point aware of the extent of his power. He was God, he could do anything, and his choice was to wash feet. To clean what was dirty. Not because they deserved it. Not because he was a slave to them. Not because they asked for it. They did not want it. They did not want the one who was the most powerful to deal with their dirtyness. But he loved them to the extent that he wanted them to be clean. He wanted them to realize that this outward symbol was also to show them the inward reality of what he was going to do the next day. Make the insides of them completly clean. And he was going to take the dirt on himself.
It was weird for me to have this happen. It was weird for me to have someone else shine my shoes, not because i wanted him to, deserved for him to, or asked him to. But because he wanted to. Of course he was looking for money, but he could have also just asked for it. Instead he got on his knee put the polish on my shoes using his bare hands and started to clean. It was weird, it was uncomfortable. It was degrading to him, and i hated that. But i think jesus wanted me to experiance that. Becasue he does the same thing to me inwardly. And I don't always want him to. it is uncomfortable, it is degrading toward him. But i need it. Without it i am left dirty and disgusting not knowing how to clean the stains inside myself, and just making things worse for me. He makes them clean. He shines through all the dirt and crap on my heart and makes it clean. Thank you Jesus for making me uncomfortable this morning so i could understand what you do for me better.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
The Cave, (sorry the formatting went screwy on me.)
In the distance
Just a day away
I see a light
To guide my way
It’s just a glimmer
Barley a glare
But it is freedom
That I will find there
Freedom from sin
falling into grace
freedom from pain
with love in its place
With darkness around me
people who cannot see
in every direction
They try being
Scattered as sheep
Who got lost trying to be free
Just take my hand
And walk with me,
Grab another’s
So that they will see,
The light I know
Is only a day away
We must stick together
Let none be lost on the way.
Through the cave
On toward the light
Tripping over rocks
over the ledges
Crawling through with all our might.
We hold on and wait
For those who are with us
No matter their state
to win this fight
We all need each other
To reach this great and wonderful light.
So carry the broken,
And help those who are sick
Call out to the lost
Who have wondered off
Let us follow the path
Of the one who went before
It might be painful
It might not seem fair
But in the end
Let us all draw near.
Because in time it will be clear.
That we have obtained
The goal set before
By loving each other
And seeking the light
Together we will laugh
In such great delight
At the table of one
Who has shown us the path
And helped us on our way
Who gave us the strength
To make it this day.
He will heal our wounds and our scares
He will perfect all that went wrong.
He is the one, who will be strong,
As we fall down at his feet
From the dreary path
Of the cave so deep.
And wipe from our eyes
The dirt and the mud
The pain and the blood.
And together we all shall be
For the first time
Eternally free.